(Editor’s Note:  The opportunities to serve Indian international students are widespread and growing, with more international students arriving in the US from India than from any other country last year (330,000 during the 2023-24 school year). Walking alongside Hindu international students will be the focus of ISM Day ’25, happening in Dallas, TX on Thursday, July 10th. Both in-person and digital streaming options are available. Click here to learn more and register for ISM Day ’25.)

I was moderating a panel consisting of three former international students from India at a conference. Each had graduated from an American university within the past three years with a master’s degree in Electrical Engineering. Each had moved to a large city in the U.S. within the past five years to begin an IT job. The conference was during the time of the Covid-19 pandemic, so it was on Zoom. The “audience” was about 15 Americans who loved welcoming and alongsiding international students, especially Indians.

The Americans in the audience had picked up Indian students at the airport when they arrived in the U.S. The Americans had visited the apartments where Indians students lived soon after dropping them off to make sure they were getting settled. The Americans had messaged the Indian students every week or two. The Americans had come to the Indians’ apartments for tasty meals. The Americans had invited Indian students to holiday events and monthly cultural celebrations with food. The Americans had invited the Indian students to go hiking. The Americans had even risked their lives to give driving lessons to several of the Indians! When the Indian students graduated, the Americans attended their graduation ceremony and celebrated with them.

As the panelists were sharing, one leaned forward, looked into the camera, and said directly to the audience:  “When I was an international student, you invited me to fun activities and celebrations and meals together. You called and messaged me regularly. I thought we were friends. But after I graduated and moved away, you forgot about me. None of my American friends called or messaged me after I moved away.”

“When I was an international student, you invited me to fun activities and celebrations and meals together. You called and messaged me regularly. I thought we were friends. But after I graduated and moved away, you forgot about me. None of my American friends called or messaged me after I moved away.”

That comment was like a body blow to everyone, including me. Those of us who have been alongsiding Indians for a while know that when we form a friendship with Indians, it is very different from the Western concept of friendship. It is more like becoming a member of the family of the Indian. And it can be even more meaningful to Indian students, because their families remain back in India.

If maintaining friendships with Hindu international students after graduation is so important (and it is!), how can we do that? Of the Indian students I have alongsided over the past 17 years, 95% have secured jobs in the US after graduation, usually in IT industries. Their jobs are often very challenging to obtain and usually located in IT hubs such as Silicon Valley, Northern Virginia, Dallas, Seattle, Austin, etc. They sometimes move quickly to the new job. Beginning their work career is an abrupt change for many of my international student friends.

Casual Calls

The Indian student who spoke about being forgotten specifically mentioned not receiving any ‘calls or messages’ after moving away.  Although that may surprise many Americans, an ongoing pattern of calls and texts is one standard way of how Hindu people communicate with their families and close friends. Beginning to make “casual calls” with your international student friends as soon as they graduate is one way to continue your friendship with them.

What is a casual call? In most cultures, especially American culture, calls are made only when there is a reason or purpose. For example, if you hear that a friend or coworker has had success or has a problem you will call them. You won’t call without a reason. So I was very surprised when I began alongsiding Indian students that they would call me for no reason.

Here is the script from a typica casual call:

• Andy:  Hello, Vijay
• Vijay:  Hi Andy, how are you?
• Andy:  I am fine.
• Vijay:  How is your family?
• Andy:  My family is fine. My kids are working hard at school. My mom is healthy again. My brother is coming to visit soon (notice that, for Indians, “family” means nuclear and extended family).  How is your family?
• Vijay:  My family is doing fine. My uncle is coming to the U.S. soon.
• Andy:  You must be very busy with midterms coming up. How are your classes?
• Vijay:  My classes are going well.
• Andy:  I will be praying for your midterms. Any other news?
• Vijay:  No. How about for you?
• Andy:  No. OK, have a great weekend.
• Vijay: Bye.
• Andy: Bye

I made a casual call to an Indian friend who had graduated and was living in another state. He had been married for about four years. Our conversation was progressing like the one above. When I asked if there was any other news, he calmly told me that his wife was pregnant! I shouted with joy, then congratulated him, then asked about the delivery date and other details. He would not have called me for the reason of telling me such big news. So without a casual call, I would have never known.

In-Person Visits

In-person visits are another way to alongside Indians after college and are valuable in several ways. I can gain information, deepen friendships, meet my friends’ young children, and have a great Indian meal! I was recently in Colorado Springs for a conference and knew that two graduates lived just south of Denver, about an hour’s drive away. I had two free evenings, so I rented a car and went to visit one graduate and his family one night. The next night I repeated the drive to visit the other. I made two trips because it would not be acceptable to visit and not be served a huge meal!

Meeting the children of my Indian friends is a great blessing. I love talking with them and playing with them. I also often meet the parents or in-laws of my Indian friend because they often come to take care of the household and cook for their grandchildren and son and daughter–in-law.

How do I keep track of everyone?

I am often asked two questions:

• How do I keep track of the graduated students?
• How do I find the time to make casual calls to Indian graduates while maintaining friendships with current students?

To keep track, I maintain a Google doc with Indian graduates’ names, spouse’s name, children’s names and birthdays and what city and state they are living in. As for finding the time, I have learned from my Indian friends. Many of them set aside regular time each week to make casual calls. I can count on one of my Indian friends calling me on his way home from work every other Friday evening, for example.

In reflecting on my experience alongsiding Indians after college, I have learned that the time when they are students, especially graduate students, is often very intense and stressful. They are carrying the weight of their entire family. Not only their father and mother, but uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Though my student friends often feel regret at not being more flexible or free while they are studying in college, there is not much available time in their schedules. However, once they graduate and land a job, they have more time. They are free on the weekends and in the evenings in a way that was not possible when they were students. I have really enjoyed that continuing communication with my Indian friends after college has enabled much deeper friendships (and many more opportunities to eat great food!).

When I first began alongsiding Indian international students, I didn’t realize that alongsiding Indian international students began lifelong friendships. I am so glad that it does!